The Goodbye Thing

Maybe Suphan won’t be there anymore every time you look at, being a majestic symbol on the plain that you talk silently, giving you the feeling of existence. Maybe journeys won’t be a black line among the snow. And you won’t have the feeling of lightness for going somewhere and leaving all the heaviness and weariness there.

When you go west, the beauty will grow inside you like a secret for you can’t talk about it as nobody cares, and the willingness to come back, sightseeing but not living there will never stop. Maybe you won’t have time in the future, maybe the opportunity, money or a reason to come back. But you’ll always want to grab people by the hand and say “You need to see this”.

Stopping by the road and dancing like crazy, feeling cold outside the car and boiling inside it, getting tired, pinched, singing loudly, swearing for not being able to reach somewhere over and over, to cut it short, travelling on the East, won’t be this fun. Because you won’t need to make places your own saying “This looks like our ….”. You won’t have expectations for familiar places. You won’t have the feeling of making a change. Because you found yourself on your own geography, so you won’t be blessed for losing yourself in a stranger land.

You won’t be able to tell. You won’t be able to say anough about this life in which you keep talking about your home life. You’ll say “good” for people, “cold” for the land, even “dirty”, and something according to your point of view about the local folk. But words will never be enough to describe the feeling of leaving some part of yourself here. You’ll lean on “I got over it” for getting too used to it, even you’ll torment yourself and say “make the most of it” like every person who left before. Make sure you will. But whatever you do, you won’t be able to tell.

The best years of your life are always the far away ones, and you’ll wonder whether they took from you or gave you something worth living. As if you shouldn’t accept it did both. Would you change this much if you worked in Çeşme or Bodrum? Would you get both the pain and the gain? Wouldn’t you be angry at waking up early? Or not wait for the 15th of the month? Wouldn’t you have an authority to answer? Or not get pissed when the bus got late? Would every meal be perfect? Wouldn’t you go to the same places there? Wouldn’t you meet different cultures and get by? Would you grow up with sameness?

Friendship will start now. When you dont “need” anymore. When you put distance between you, say goodbye. Fidelity starts now, graditude and remembering. You will now see who you want to see in the future, or not. And who wants to see you, or not.

“You’ve gone there to come back, you’ve met to say bye” said a friend. You’re going back home now, and with lots of memories and lots of people along with you.